Joe is yelling at the trees again.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
