i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
