I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize