i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
