so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
