i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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