So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
