Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
