if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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