We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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