I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
