you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
