I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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