I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
