I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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