To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
