1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
