I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
