I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
