dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize