I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
