the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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