I wish I could teleport
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
