I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I AM VODKA MAN
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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