i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
