There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
