Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
