I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
