if i can run in heels then i can drive
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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