If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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