There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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