16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Houston, we have a blender
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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