Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
