Im at strip club and am horny
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
