Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
