Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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