I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize