I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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