I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
