Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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