have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
