I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
