I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We left the knife in your bed.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
