If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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