Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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