those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She's like a pop up book from hell.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
