I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
