____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
