I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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