So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
