I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize