i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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