Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize