Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
