I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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