a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
