I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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