im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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