Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
