I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize