She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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