one two three fourrrrnication!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
