I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
