yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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