i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize