dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He shit in the fireplace
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
