She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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