either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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