So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
