Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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