where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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