You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
