My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
