if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
