so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you will always have a special place in my vag
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize