capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
