Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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