I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
