I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
