some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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