and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
