He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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