You work out of a Hotel?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize