I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dick very happy bro
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
