I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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