I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize