We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
