i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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