can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
