am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
