the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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