How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
