Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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