Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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