three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
