there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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