I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
