Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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