Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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