Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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