I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
