he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
