i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my sisters under your porch take her home
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
