New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
